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tom38 aged 45
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3 words

Encouraging , Passionate , Down to earth

Self description

Male , 45

I'm Tom, 38, 40 next year. I'm married, live in North London, trying for kids, surf, ski, play squash, read a lot, write. I studied English, lived in Japan for a year and went into advertising. Recently I've changed career. Relatively, I'm a lucky guy, healthy, usually happy with some great friends. But life's not been perfect and sometimes it's been tough. There are different challenges around every corner! For me in life, people are the most important thing and I think everyone deserves love in their life from friends or family. I also believe it's the simplest things in life which give the greatest joy.

Life experiences

Balancing the different parts of your life

It has become clearer as time's gone on (I'm only 38 though), how important it is to keep balance in life. To make sure you're spending time with the people you want to, you're fitting in the things which physically or mentally exercise your body and mind and study or work doesn't overtake your life. It's a difficult thing to manage and we don't get lessons in it. It get more complicated if you're in a relationship when you're then balancing someone else's needs and time as well.

Career choice, career change

Having held management positions in some great advertising agencies, I made a career choice at 21, had a lot of fun, earned some money but realised I didn't want to do one thing for my whole life and have made a change. It's a tough choice, the initial choice of career is important and managing the change is often hard and scary.

Difficult parents

These are intense and sometime difficult relationships and I've had to manage (not always well) some in my own life, particularly following the divorce of my parents when I was 19. I feel well qualified to lend an ear on this one.

Why mentor on horsesmouth?

I remember coming home from work late one night a couple of years ago. I bumped into my neighbour who was also late home. I'd not really spoken to him before, but at 10pm in the dark we stood and talked for half an hour about how things were going, and about life. It turned out we'd both recently lost a parent. He said to me 'Everyone has their crosses to bear, it's how you carry them that counts'. That phrase really stuck with me and it came from someone I didn't really know. Life can be tough and it's not always easy to get advice from someone you know already. I'd like to help in any way I can. I'm 38, old enough to have some good experience of life, but also young enough to feel connected to younger people looking for some advice. I'm a good listener and want to help anyone I can move in the right direction. Mentoring is a great thing and this site is a great idea.

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I am very lucky to have found your website. Recently I wrote about a problem which I face very often.... There were 10 responses from 10 mentors. They have really explained to me and made me understand that I do not have any problem. Your services are wonderful and I am very much thankful to all of you.

I have been mentoring on HM for 18 months. I really enjoy it & hopefully I am helping other people. Recently I posted my my first 'request for a mentor'. I have been completely bowled over by the response. So many people taking their time & making the effort to offer constructive advice in a friendly polite manner. For me it completely validates the intent behind HM. It reminds me how many good, helpful people there are out there. Thanks for providing such a great service.
'I called out for mentor assistance a week or so ago.

I have been inundated with unbelievably helpful replies, and now have a toolkit to draw on to start turning around behaviours and mind-sets that have been detrimental in my life.

I just want to thank Horsesmouth and all the amazing people who reached out to me.  Each and every one of you has given me something to think about, and some have given me heaps of material with which to start working.  Now I need to do the work! Thank you so much!' 

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