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Destinee
Destinee aged 36
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Stories


Daddy Please..

You were such a prime example to me and to all my friends in my neighbourhood.
I had high respect for you more than anyone ever did and no one could utter a word against you.

You never could settle with us. Some days you were here and others you just left.
You trekked about and never could settle down. We became your faithful followers and followed you to the ends of the world and would have continued to do so without reservation. That is how our love for you ran deep.

You became restless, the raised voices, banging on the wall, the muffled cries of mother, the whispered voices, the soothing voice of you daddy became a nightly routine. Morning came, mother had accidentally walked through the door, the cuts were from broken glass ,the bruises were from leaving the iron on and accidentally touching it, the limping of the foot was the spike she stepped on, the missing tooth, broken finger spoke for themselves. The sunglasses in the house, the cardigans when temperatures were soaring, the long sleeves, the long skirts and the packed red bag at the back of the wardrobe, became part of a custom.

You used to come and visit each weekend, but those became a royalty, weeks became months and those became every six months and they themselves became yearly, until it was no more. You almost transitioned out of my life so meticulously, had it not have been for the rumours that landed ungraciously on mother and me we would have never known you still existed.

Daddy you told us that it were true, you had found yourself another family. everything crumpled all around me, was it something I did, did I misbehave, was I a bad child, was I too much to handle, promise I will be good again........

He respected us enough to tell us the truth ,but not enough to be a man and be there for me and take care of his own, used to cry tears within me, no one knew the pain more than I did. Went out of control, my only escape in my world of fallen stature was through friends who had no idea. Through all this mother ,became a woman, strong independent woman, the rays of life started seeping through her and she became a pillar of love, made the decisions and smiled like she had never smiled before, sang like she had never sung before, danced like no one was watching. Her shadow of doubt dissipated and never again was the red bag ever visible again.

Watching my mum now I could never imagine her any other way and I don’t think she would want to go back either, putting my sadness, my insecurities and feeling of rejection aside I became happy for my mum...so I ask this of you…..

DADDY….PLEASE NEVER COME BACK

My mother's mother...

My mother's mother
My mothers mother how much of a life you have lived; you have experienced death more times than anyone should ever. With the epidemic you have seen all your loved ones falling from the face of earth like flies. Mothers mother your strength even amazes those who think they are tough. Your body is now so frail but your invincible strength makes you go on. Your defeats are something to count on one hand but your success over powers this. My mother’s mother you have passed that strength to my mother for as you have seen your loved ones go she has had to experience the same. She has faced the most difficult challenges with a smile on her face, she gets slapped once and she offers the other cheek, her adversaries are puzzled with her actions. Now i know where she gets her inspiration from.


My mother’s mothers, mother till to the day she died always shed a few tears when she thought of the time she experienced the greatest tragedy of all times, a tragedy no mother should ever experience. Half a dozen of her children swept away by the tidal waves, waves that had no pity that raged mercilessly and stole away her children. Its selfishness left no evidence, their graves empty, except for a shoe that came floating back as an aftermath to confirm what they already knew, it has been silver years ago now but up to her death bed she felt like it was still yesterday.
A mothers wish is to die before their children but we have no control when death comes knocking as it has been to my mothers mother. For out of fifteen of your children, three have survived. Gone are the days when death was through unexpected events, or when it stealthily brushed its shoulders against your household. Now it officially comes, announces itself and clings onto you. It wears you out until you can’t fight no more, when you can’t go on any longer it wraps itself around you and slowly drags you with it. How many times over mothers’ mother have you experienced this with your children?

So mother’s mother is it unfair of us to want to keep on holding onto you, are you tired now, has the journey been too long for you, do you feel you have been strong enough for all of us for too long and want to just lay down and rest. Sometimes when you are laying there a smile forms and when i ask you, you say they are beckoning you. Whatever you decide my mother’s mother we will always learn a great deal from you and feed off from my mother as she fed from you and as I know one day I in turn will become a mothers mother and hope to be like you both.

Posted by telrulopa

It just ain't worth it..

It ain't worth thinking this time around it would be different...
It ain't worth to think you can play by certain rules....
It ain't worth not saying how you feel....
It ain't worth pretending to be on the fast lane.....
It ain't worth acting like it don't bother you...
It ain't worth not showing you do have some insecurities...
It ain't worth it to pretend the heart does not flutter when he is near you...
It ain't worth not showing him that you like him ....a lot
It ain't worth not letting him know the day you saw him was a day you knew the day had juss gotten better...
It ain't worth not letting him know you liked the way he cooked (7/10), and that the music they listened to will always remind her of him...
It aint worth not saying anything... because before you realise... it is too late and there is no going back...
............It juss ain't worth it.................

Posted by telrulopa

Get up and Go.....Part 1

If it weren't for bad luck I would have no luck at all, how many times does that saying ever cross your mind? Well a lot... that is how often that saying passes through my head. It’s like that irritable itch that just refuses to get scratched out. You are probably wondering why such thoughts. I don't want to keep you in the dark for long so I will first start by introducing myself, Hie, My name is Shona and I am 28.For a while now I have been waiting upon something that seems is never coming to pass, it is just not one thing you know but a lot of things that have been coupling up in my life for me to feel this way. The reason why I am writing this memoir, short story, blog(you can call it whatever you want for at this moment all I am doing is merely releasing my thoughts on paper) is because after listening to TD Jakes inspirational sermon about letting go ,I realized how much I was at crossroads with myself. It went something like this, If you are stuck in the past and can't seem to move forward let it go, When you realize the things in your life have not been going the way you want them to, let it go, try something new, try something different and also try and do something that will not only inspire you spiritually and physically but also enables you as a person. So stop being your own enabler and start being proactive.

Let me ask you something... did you know what you wanted to be when you were young, growing up, when you were in college?, I did, I pretty much figured how my life was going to turn out. Have a successful job, be at the top of the ladder, the successful woman in a corporate company full of men and earning a 6 figure salary. I wanted to be the leader; it felt right… that was my Destiny, my thing. So I graduated from school knowing that the world was in the palm of my hands and I could do anything I wanted..So now at 28 you would think I have it all tucked under my belt, ready to settle down and find me a man and have 2.5 kids right?..Wrong!.Unfortunately I am neither of the above..That’s why I am sitting here writing out my life and trying to figure out what I can do with my situation and also the fact I will be turning 29 in a months time and also trying to come to terms that the so called best plans that I had in mind have not turned out the way I wanted them to.

Some may be wondering why, if I had my life so well thought out how is it possible that I am not at the top of my game. I mean the things I wanted to do are not so illogical that if I put mind to it I would have been able to do it..Well lets just say that is the way I thought and now I think to myself could I have done it any differently..So from today I openly lay my life out on this fine print, so I can dissect it and see what other path could I have taken, what went wrong ,you know more like the butterfly effect and if I get to the bottom of it do I have the time to Get up and go and make it right or juss accept that this is the way my life was supposed to be…


Written by Telrulopa…

Too little,too late..

I didnt know what forgiveness was until it was too late...
I didn't know what offering an olive branch meant before it was too late...
I didn't know what people meant when they said 'do it before it is too late '...
I didn't know what 'Love like you have never been hurt' meant before it was too late...
I didn't know what belonging to both Parents meant before it was too late..
I didn't know what denial was about until it was too late...

I now dream of you...
I now call out your name...
I now wish i could see you one more time...
I now think what if...
I now hope for things that will never come to pass...
I now hear your voice amongst the wind...
I now see your face by the window pane...
I now hear your words through the music i play..
I now miss your looks...
I now miss your laughter..
I now miss your voice...
I now miss everything about you..

If i will forever feel this way..
I will accept it gracefully...
As i never took the step forward..
To make it right between us..
My darling father...
Never would i have been born had it not been for you...
Please forgive me as i am now lost...

I refuse to accept you are gone...
I refuse to accept i will never see you again...
I refuse to accept we will only meet when i too leave this earth...
I refuse to accept that i no longer have a father....

My heart is so heavy..
My shoulders are so heavy..
My head is so full of what ifs..

I miss you baba and no words will ever encompass how i feel....
I wish i had done things differently..
I will always remember you..

Till we meet again.....

Love

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LOVE RESTED ON YOU

When i used to look at you i felt the love so intensely,
You told me you had stopped running after love
That you had settled down and had found peace in you heart
You referred to love as the butterfly you kept chasing but couldn’t catch
Until one day you just stopped chasing and the butterfly quietly came and rested on you..

MY LOVE WHERE DID YOU GO

I searched and searched for you
My soul was filled with such melancholy
You told me you would never leave me
Where did you go, you left without a word
My tears have dried up, can’t cry no further

LOVE TAUGHT ME A LESSON

The days are long, the nights even longer. There is no telling what the result of my day is going to be.
I have healed myself in such a way that is amazing. Have learnt that everyone can make it, each one of us has an inner strength that lies dormant within us but if confronted or threatened will come out as strong as a warrior brandishing its sword to fight off those who dare to threaten its dwelling.

Love should be a maker not a breaker...

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